Sentiments

It was a silent and rainy Christmas.

While most people are kept warm in their homes and feasting on their sumptuous Noche Buena, others simply sleep the night away on the streets, trying to ignore the cold wind and pretending to feel full while their tummies groan in hunger.

While some well-off kids are busy opening their Christmas presents, poor kids are patiently waiting for Santa Claus to come, until they fall asleep and wake up the next day realizing that Santa was not real at all.


And as time passes by, things like this are getting harder to ignore.

Problems and Algorithms

It is not unusual for students like me to experience difficulty in budgeting their small allowance. Moreover, it is not unusual for us to feel very depressed when we can't buy anything we like - or what we actually need - because of such scarcity. I know this does not apply to all students, especially to some of my schoolmates. (Yes, only some, because I know lots of well-off kids in our school whose allowances are not really that humongous, while others simply spend their money very wisely, kuripot in a sense) Nevertheless, this is a fact.

Depressing? Indeed, and I and my close friends are trying every strategy to save some amount, and so far I it seems that we have not found the efficient and effective algorithm yet.

I once heard that when you cannot solve a certain problem, it may mean that it is not a problem at all - that it is actually a reality which cannot be changed. I know it sounds pathetic, but some people who are experiencing this problem similar to ours in a greater degree seem to see already it in that way, particularly those who are very unfortunate when it comes to financial resources.

The stories are the same: a family comprised of six children has only around a hundred pesos, or even less, to spend for the whole day, and sometimes they don't even have the money to buy for any food; children are walking aimlessly along the streets like stray dogs asking people for their leftovers; a pregnant mother together with her another child is walking along the busy and dangerous streets of the city asking for your change; and sadly, these seem to be more of a postulate which cannot be changed for most of us rather than something that is to be refuted and solved correctly.

Truly, for youngsters like me having the similar dilemma, it is very tempting to just ignore these. But upon thinking deeply, these happenings do actually explain, though in an implicit manner, the problems students like me experience.

Look at the bigger problem and solve it by focusing on the smaller details: I think this should be the basis of what all of us - not only students - should do.

Insecurities

I am a person full of insecurities. But I don't just let it stay that way. I hate that feeling, and so I work hard to overcome it.

I always wanted to be compared to good people. Well, good in a sense that they are really competent and worth admiring because of their skills and capabilities, especially when it comes to the academic realm, where my current world is.

Does this explain my nature? Most probably.

So for a time I've thought that I actually know how to deal with this matter.

But being insecure with someone important to you - someone that you love - is actually different. Yes it is quite odd, but it really does happen.

It is difficult to feel happy and proud for that person and sad and disappointed for yourself, all at the same time.

Now, I want both to outperform him and stop this stupid feeling of insecurity. But I don't know which of the two will make me truly happy in the end. Another trade-off, I guess.

Indeed, this making me nuts.