Sentiments

It was a silent and rainy Christmas.

While most people are kept warm in their homes and feasting on their sumptuous Noche Buena, others simply sleep the night away on the streets, trying to ignore the cold wind and pretending to feel full while their tummies groan in hunger.

While some well-off kids are busy opening their Christmas presents, poor kids are patiently waiting for Santa Claus to come, until they fall asleep and wake up the next day realizing that Santa was not real at all.


And as time passes by, things like this are getting harder to ignore.

Problems and Algorithms

It is not unusual for students like me to experience difficulty in budgeting their small allowance. Moreover, it is not unusual for us to feel very depressed when we can't buy anything we like - or what we actually need - because of such scarcity. I know this does not apply to all students, especially to some of my schoolmates. (Yes, only some, because I know lots of well-off kids in our school whose allowances are not really that humongous, while others simply spend their money very wisely, kuripot in a sense) Nevertheless, this is a fact.

Depressing? Indeed, and I and my close friends are trying every strategy to save some amount, and so far I it seems that we have not found the efficient and effective algorithm yet.

I once heard that when you cannot solve a certain problem, it may mean that it is not a problem at all - that it is actually a reality which cannot be changed. I know it sounds pathetic, but some people who are experiencing this problem similar to ours in a greater degree seem to see already it in that way, particularly those who are very unfortunate when it comes to financial resources.

The stories are the same: a family comprised of six children has only around a hundred pesos, or even less, to spend for the whole day, and sometimes they don't even have the money to buy for any food; children are walking aimlessly along the streets like stray dogs asking people for their leftovers; a pregnant mother together with her another child is walking along the busy and dangerous streets of the city asking for your change; and sadly, these seem to be more of a postulate which cannot be changed for most of us rather than something that is to be refuted and solved correctly.

Truly, for youngsters like me having the similar dilemma, it is very tempting to just ignore these. But upon thinking deeply, these happenings do actually explain, though in an implicit manner, the problems students like me experience.

Look at the bigger problem and solve it by focusing on the smaller details: I think this should be the basis of what all of us - not only students - should do.

Insecurities

I am a person full of insecurities. But I don't just let it stay that way. I hate that feeling, and so I work hard to overcome it.

I always wanted to be compared to good people. Well, good in a sense that they are really competent and worth admiring because of their skills and capabilities, especially when it comes to the academic realm, where my current world is.

Does this explain my nature? Most probably.

So for a time I've thought that I actually know how to deal with this matter.

But being insecure with someone important to you - someone that you love - is actually different. Yes it is quite odd, but it really does happen.

It is difficult to feel happy and proud for that person and sad and disappointed for yourself, all at the same time.

Now, I want both to outperform him and stop this stupid feeling of insecurity. But I don't know which of the two will make me truly happy in the end. Another trade-off, I guess.

Indeed, this making me nuts.

Reflections

Unfair.

Sometimes, no matter how much you put into something, once you commit a mistake, all your efforts will be ignored and the mistake you did will be the only one that people will see.

Painful.

Real giving happens when it starts to hurt, but the happiness and contentment that comes after that is one of the most wonderful feelings one can ever experience.

Economics

There are lots of opportunities out there now, and all are really good.

But the question is which are the ones I should grab, because its impossible to get all, unless I'm a god that can play with time and get all the resources in a snap.

Trade-offs can really make you crazy, and being too rational can lead you to frustration.

Sick

This semester seems to be dragging right from the start, and my body's beginning to dislike it.

But then, the subjects are interesting, I like my set of lecturers so far, and I love reading a lot of their course materials (this part's quite ironic).

Wish me good health for the rest of the school year, I hate having colds.

The essence of education

Recently, I'm digging myself into research about the current situation of the Philippine education. The facts are overwhelming, the numbers are stunning. Like what most people say, these problems seem improbable to solve, especially that we also have serious economic and political crisis in our country.
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Last Monday, I woke up early just to have my online enlistment for the second semester. The process went smoothly, and I was able to finish it in less than 3 minutes. And this is the result of my enlistment/assessment:

Every enrollment, I can't help but be overwhelmed by the sum of this assessment (minus the LESS portion). Aside from the expensive cost of units, (I think each unit costs around 2,300 pesos, some say it's 2,500, and they say that Ateneo has the most expensive unit cost), there are still lots of other fees to be paid. Just imagine how much the school gets from all the students (except to some like me of course, and thank you for the scholarship by the way) so the former can provide good education to the latter.

But, do we really need to pay that much just to have good education?

We all know that it's not, but it seems that most of us are not doing anything to make this happen.

Education is a right, not a privilege. Let's do something to make this a fact.

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And wish me luck about my research, I'm doing this with my group hoping that it will help us help our country solve some of the education sector's problems. More on this soon, hopefully.

Second semester is fast coming. I might not be able to update this site every now and then already.

Is this for real? Thank you so much

I just had the courage to ask him again.

He finally accepted my invitation.

Good thing I did it. I'm just so afraid to fail again I almost lost the courage press the button.

I am so happy.

Will I talk to him? I'm still quite hesitant. What if he does not want to talk to me yet?

What if it's just a server error? I did not receive any notification message that he actually accepted my invitation. I'm getting paranoid.

There's hope after all.

Thank you so much.

Dreaming and Missing

I am being tortured by this thought like a nightmare.

I just can't help but to think of my dear bestfriend these past few days, and even in my sleep he's inside my mind. Just like what's happening at present, he keeps on avoiding me in my dreams. And when the scene comes to the point that I'm getting near him to try to talk to him, my dream would abruptly stop and I would suddenly regain my consciousness.

Kahit sa panaginip bigo pa rin ako.

Yes, I've tried reaching out to him for a couple of months already, but all my attempts simply failed.

Very frustrating.

But at least these dreams made me able to see him and be with him even just for a short time, and even though it's not real.

Sorry if I sound very pathetic.

I miss you.

A Happy Halloween | Poor Souls

Every Halloween, my family simply stays at home and just celebrates my sister's birthday. We don't go to cemeteries simply because we don't have the means to, and even if we have, we would still opt to stay at home than go to cramped places such as those during this time.

The birthday celebrant

Some of the foods we had for Tin-tin's birthday

Mommy

Indeed, we do always have a happy and hassle-free Halloween.

Hope that you also had a happy one.

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Let us pray for those who died at the NLEX accident which happened earlier this day.

Birthday

Tomorrow (November 1) is my sister's 13th birthday.

Today, I was supposed to treat her out at a mall (she likes malling) and buy something she likes which will be my gift. But too bad it's raining hard and we woke up late.

What will be a nice gift for her?

Happy birthday Tin-tin. =D

In My Dreams

Having a misunderstanding with your best friend is normal. After all, this can really help your relationship to be stronger as both of you become more open to accepting differences and mature with regard to handling such a thing.

But still, too much of everything can be harmful, and too much conflict can obviously destroy any kind of relationship, especially if one of you is not willing to fix the problem at all.

Will I ever have you back again?

Travel and Pain

These past few days I'm constantly going back and forth between Antipolo and Katipunan for my advanced accounting lessons. It is only this semestral break that I was able to commute again that far, since I am staying at a boarding house during school days.

Travelling can be very stressful, since there are many things that you need to keep in mind like constantly attending to your belongings, knowing where you are already during the course of the travel and even struggling to just have a ride during rush hours.

But there are other things that caused me more stress during travel. One of these is the seemingly unstoppable infestation of the smoke-belching vehicles on major roads. Being in an academic institution that is very concerned about the environment just made me more concerned and even paranoid to this situation. I wonder when will people start actually doing something about it and other things having similar effects to our environment. Truly, a lot of institutions are already doing something for these, but all their efforts are useless as the majority simply ignore these pleas.

But the pain is yet to be intensified as I finally arrive in Katipunan. Truly, this is one of the places in the country where some of the richest people reside, but this image is yet to be completed by the poor people walking along the streets, bringing along with them their small treasure of collected plastics and other recyclables to be sold at a small amount to nearby junk shops. There are also beggars who can be seen staying at the sidewalks, eating the food which they got from trash - their sumptuous meal for the whole day. Some do not even look that they have eaten for days. And there are these children constantly running after the commuters and other well-off people walking in the street asking for money, as if they are playing habul-habulan with them.

I guess our nation still needs to travel farther to overcome all these obstacles.

At the end of the day, I was able to do nothing, but go back to my little yet warm home, where my caring mother and kind sister wait. I looked fine upon arriving home, but the wounds I got from my journey are still stinging.


When will travelling be more enjoyable then?

A day with Poo-poo

For almost 2 years, I have been complaining with my laptop's poor performance. Despite its relatively good components, I still find him very inefficient - his battery won't even last for an hour and a half in its normal power plan - and working huge applications and files with him feels like having a walk with a turtle uphill under the cloudless sky at noon (0_0).

The problem with it is not really hard to determine - operating system. Even before having Poo-poo, I already know the disadvantages of the Windows Vista. But unfortunately Poo-poo was given to me having it already. Only if the Vista installed at him had not been a genuine one, I would have removed it from his system long ago.

So what I did is just put an XP on him. But it took almost the whole day for me and Jacky to be able to fix the partition and do the file back-up (That's how slow he is, or maybe I just have too much files in my hard drive). There are also some problems that we've encountered during the installation of the latter, and up to now I'm still not done with installing drivers and stuff :'(

And so, I was not able to do all the things I'm supposed to do today because of Poo-poo.
Sigh.

Sembreak | Grades and Learning

Everytime sembreak arrives, I always have this dilemma of looking for something nice to do. While most of my friends actually enjoy doing nothing during vacation (e.g. movie marathon, malling, out of town - yeah, that's nothing for me) I, on the other hand, keep on making myself busy with - guess what - academics. I do this because 1) I want to be prepared for the next semester; 2) I wanted to be productive and; 3) I simply want to study.

Most of my close friends tell me that I'm overly grade conscious because of this. Well, I'm actually fine with it. After all, studying is a very nice thing to do, but not really easy when you are in school and everything happens very simultaneously. I think that is why it is important for me study every now and then and have good grades in school because it constantly motivates me to do better on it and it tells me if I am actually good with what I am doing. Failing and even Mediocrity is never in my vocabulary. Good grades bring me satisfaction, or that's what I thought.

Last semester, I was able to get "the grade." Actually, this is already the second time that I was able to make it (the last one was during summer sem though, so I really don't consider it. But hey, I had a really tough summer). While my blockmates were happy for me, I was shocked to realize that I felt nothing towards it. Yes, I'm satisfied with my grade (what could get any higher?) but I think there's something missing.

Perhaps I was too much anticipating for this that it killed all the excitement and thrill when it actually arrived. Or it can mean another thing: I am not satisfied with what I've learned, which I think makes more sense.

I'm not saying that Ateneo is not teaching that much. I think that because I was too focused on academics I actually forgot to give time to myself to learn more about other things. Friendship is one of those.

I guess I should give focus on this one. I don't want to fail on it.

Another Commitment

I'm new into this one.

I hope I can be able to post here every now and then.